Transmissions

Okay so, it's about 1:34 AM right now and I know I haven't posted in a while but a lot has happened, well I've met some people and reunited with some older friends, however, not everything was good because well, I don't know if you remember the Russian girl I said I met before, well I met her again I think, I don't remember if it was last week? Oh no, nevermind it was two weeks ago. Aaanyway, the thing is I met a lot of people this past 3 weeks and a lot has changed, the old friends group that I was a couple of years ago? Gone. Two of my friends that are still there say that pretty much the group has been disbanded because nobody is getting online nowadays and it makes me feel both relieved and a tad sad (a tad sad, lol, funny) the thing is, I've been meeting a lot of girls because well, I want a girlfriend that is blonde, has blue eyes, white skin and is pretty and that also has a personality that's like chill and that likes to do stuff like videogames, stay in the house and read a book, watch anime and movies from time to time, cartoon series that are actually good like Adventure Time and such, that has got dreams and that she wants to achieve them, that wants to have kids, that also is healthy in general, etc etc. But I'm just getting kinda tired of waiting because I feel like nowadays, everyone is weird, like WEIRD WEIRD, like people that were what back in the day we would've called "normal" are pretty much an endangered species and I'm one of them. Of course I know that I have some stuff of my own too, but I'm not weird, I'm different of course but not weird. I like anime of course, I like cartoons like Adventure Time, animations like Murder Drones and such, games such as Z.A.T.O., Undertale, etc. But dude, idk why everyone that I find there are just... unbearably weird, like there are furries, people that don't talk to you for more than 5 minutes even though you lend your hand to continue the conversation, people that go to parties and discos and such, but there's no moderate and well, fairly regular people. THEY ARE ALL LIKE ALIENS and the worst part is that I just feel like everyone is like that right now because either that or they treat you like a criminal that wants to rob them and bruh, I just want to talk a bit, why can't I just ask you your Instagram just for contact? Why can't I just approach and do a regular conversation to you and you just have to push me away? Like why are people like this now?????? It doesn't make sense really and honestly, it just wears me out for romantic relationships, I still have hope of course but it's just annoying and tiring to keep waiting for a girl that fits my criteria to appear in my life. I hate it, I hate it a lot and honestly, I'm 24, WHY IS IT TAKING SO LONG?! *Sigh* Look, I know that it might just be taking its time but come on man, I've been waiting for 19 years by now. Idk, I'm tired, I think I'll go to sleep. See ya people and if you want to contact me, I'll leave my mail here in case you want to: andremurrgames@gmail.com So yeah, see ya and take care everyone.

It's about 4:28 AM right when I'm writing this post, I made this tag because of the fact that sometimes when I'm at very late night hours or in general, bad times, I want to talk about some stuff that has been bothering me at the moment and in this case is... Well, let me tell you, things have not been going great for me lately, specifically for me, my family and friends are doing okay thankfully but I haven't been doing great by myself alone. For context, for the past 24 years, all my relationships that were from outside of my family ended up in bad ways, very bad ways. I got bullied in school many times, both physically and psychologically although more on the latter than the former. Also, my parents weren't as good back when I was a child compared to who they are right now of which I'm thankful that they changed for the better as well as I did. Yup, you heard me right, I also wasn't the best person as a teenager, however, that was as a consequence of the constant abuse that I suffered both from classmates and in a very lesser case from my situation with my family. I didn't have any romantic relationships in school, and the ones that I got out of school, back in 2023, were awful to say the least. The first one cheated on her boyfriend WITH ME, I WAS THE OTHER, so I just told her that I never wanted to see her ever again and so I broke with her. The second betrayed me with a guy that I told her that was risky to our relationship, but she just succumbed to social pressure so I broke with her even though I loved her a lot and that relationship still haunted me until end of last year. Then the third where the girl call me crazy because of some stuff I told her that wasn't even anything to be like that about and then I had to leave some "friends" that I was with for more than 10 years but that had turned out toxic and that only wanted me to play with them while I was being the best friend I could for them, worrying about their well-being, about their situations, offering them solutions and ways of making them grow but that got ultimately rejected and ridiculed so I just kept them for myself. And now I am doing better than them, yes, but I'm still lonely and just wondering if I'm ever going to get someone that loves me just as well as I love that someone. Mostly a girlfriend... I'm talking with a girl that is from Russia but lives in my country because of... reasons that I won't mention because it's private, she's very busy now and I understand that but after all that suffering, it's still kind of difficult to not worry a little about if she's going to go off just like the rest. I try not to worry about it and I've done better recently but even if she would go, I'm not sure I would even feel as bad as I just feel nothing because it's just normal for me to be left by everyone that is not already in my family now... And that's why I wonder... Is it that rare to find a decent person nowadays? Is there no other person with good principles and foundations and values that I can be happy with for the rest of my life? Am I just going to live alone all the time...?

Well, it's been a while, hasn't it? Well I'm here to just make a post about how my current life is going right now and oh boy... A lot... A LOT has happened after the last post. Well, for starters I finished my English studies that I've been on the first months of this year. Which is a plus honestly! And also I got a girlfriend, though it didn't end that well... I mean it wasn't AS BAD as the others but you know, yeah it was a bit tough, made me so scared I got a panic attack haha. Anyway, that's a thing of the past, she's no longer my girlfriend so yeah. I'm just waiting to just meet one last time so that she gives my laptop and my ukelele back and I'll give her stuff back, but yeah, at first I didn't want to be friends anymore with her because well, she was kinda mean with me but you know, I know that breaking up with her via phone is not a good thing, but still, I was just saying because I told her I was going to explain everything to her in Thursday but whatever, she didn't take it lightly even though SHE KNOWS I can't handle doing that in person because of my anxiety, it is not that I have fear, it's just that I don't want to get a panic attack when I do it. That's why I preffered doing that instead but oh well, guess some people normally just think about themselves. Still, by no means I'm saying it was good what I did, I mean that well, I just couldn't do the normal option because well... it would be worse for me. You can call me whatever you want, but yeah... I'm not proud of that one, but still... It was by no means a reason to COME NEAR MY HOUSE! Like, I understand she is dramatic but that's not dramatic, that's straight up crazy man. I'm not calling her crazy though but dude holy shit, it's not that serious... So yeah... I'm still thinking if I want to end up as friends with her (probably not lol). But anyway, I'm doing a lot of cool projects! Projects that you will see in the very short future 7w7 SO BE READY FOLKS! Because I will drop it any time soon.